For nearly the last five years, I’ve been driving to work on the western leg of Penn-Lincoln Parkway, commonly known to Pittsburghers as the Parkway West. Most everyone who drives the Parkway hates it. It’s only two lanes wide in most places, and all it takes is one person who decides the posted speed limit really is the speed limit to screw things up for everyone else. Everyone else being those of us who consider speed limits more of a guideline. The most annoying aspect of driving the Parkway West is the bottleneck where the Parkway, Route 51, and Banksville Road come together, just before the entrance to the Fort Pitt Tunnel. Traffic backs up, usually up to, and beyond the top of the hill that leads down to the tunnel. Everyone around here calls it Greentree Hill for the town that straddles the crest of the hill, and the road that runs perpendicular to the Parkway. If you reach the top of Greentree Hill at 7:10 a.m., you can expect to spend about 20 minutes inching along until you reach the tunnel, after which everything opens up again.
As I related to my nephew, who’s driven in with me on several occasions, it’s taught me patience. He thought we should make it part of the Jedi training. Good idea. It’s also given me the opportunity to observe some bizarre behavior, usually in the area of grooming.
My favorite was the woman in the car front of me one day who was applying hair spray from an aerosol can. Inside her car. I shudder to think of what that did to the car’s interior, not to mention her lungs. Seeing people apply make-up in bumper to bumper traffic is common. Their vehicles aren’t moving, so in theory, there’s no harm in it. It’s often eye make-up though. Some people go so far as to apply mascara. God help them if they get rear-ended when doing that. A few weeks ago, I saw the woman in the car behind mine plucking her eyebrows. Another daring type.
Lest you think I’m being sexist, it’s not only women who do strange things in their cars. I’ve seen plenty of men with a finger up their noses. I also saw one guy shaving with an electric razor. Smoking is not remarkable, nor is the sight of one or more people in a car sleeping while someone else drives. Tying a necktie is something I’ve observed even while vehicles are in motion. I’ve seen pickup trucks covered with camouflage vinyl applique, and of course, the testicles suspended from the trailer hitch. They often also display a confederate flag, just to make sure there are no misunderstandings. You’re an ignorant redneck. I get it.
It wasn’t on my morning commute, but I once saw a guy on a sport bike in the opposite lane driving with one hand and texting with the other. My personal vice is playing air guitar on my steering wheel. I’ve been known to “dance” in the driver’s seat, but usually when I don’t think anyone is looking. I’ve been busted a few times, but it’s worth it. You’ve got to do something to deal with the boredom. The traffic jams have taught me patience. I’ve learned not to let delays, crashes and other issues ruin my days before they start. It’s part of the Jedi training. Most mornings, the Force is with me, but every once in a while it’s demolition derby. Not long ago, I was terribly delayed getting into the Fort Pitt Tunnel. When I finally got through, I saw why. There was a crashed and disabled car perhaps 25 yards past the tunnel exit. To make matters worse (for me, I’m sure it wasn’t fun for the people in the crashes) there was another crash near the exit of the Parkway East I use. Demolition derby day. But I didn’t let it ruin my day. I’ve learned patience. Now if I can only figure out how to build a light saber.
No comments:
Post a Comment