Actually, I do; all the time. I often stake my claim to being ‘the prize dork of all time.’ It’s time to document the incident that will settle the debate permanently.
In 1985 I was director of Employee Relations for the county government of Beaver County, Pennsylvania. My staff and I were in the midst of installing a new Payroll, Benefits, Position Control and Budgeting system. It was a huge undertaking, requiring lots of weekends and late nights. It happened on a weeknight in September or October. We were in the Employee Relations office, me, some of my staff and people from the Data Processing department.
As I recall, we were knee deep in paper, validating data. I was in my office, and everyone else was in the outer office. Someone came and knocked on my door. “Ed, there are some people here to see you.” I walked out into the office and saw my former girlfriend, Molly, and her roommate, Mercedes. At the time, they were undergraduates at West Virginia University, in Morgantown, West Virginia some 90 miles from where I was, in Beaver Pennsylvania. I was able to collect myself well enough to say hello and invite them into my office. On a lark, they had driven from Morgantown to my parents’ house with the idea that the three of us would go somewhere to for drinks. They visited with my parents for a while, then drove to the Court House to see me.
There I was, in my office with two attractive co-eds, who wanted to go to a bar with me, and had driven nearly a hundred miles to do so. It was the first time I met Mercedes. She was gorgeous, and Molly was nothing to sneeze at either. I knew enough to realize I couldn’t leave everyone else working and go out with them. I suppose I could have sent everyone home and then gone out. My favorite bar was right down the road. But I was 25 years old, and trying to make a name for myself as a guy who could get things done. Our target for full implementation of the new system, ‘going live,’ was January 1, 1986. I made my apologies and sent Molly and Mercedes away.
It’s now 23 years later, and just last night, I was driving home and realized what an idiotic choice that was. Two hot chicks in my office asking me out. That just doesn’t happen to guys like me. Me and the two of them. Alcohol. Freedom. I even had a credit card. The possibilities were endless. The legendary ménage a trios was not out of the question. It could have been the greatest night of my life, up to that point. I sent them away, stayed and worked.
I am the prize dork of all time.
